Training

Having finished a forty day Nabhi Kriya, I was feeling fortified.  This is a kriya with a lot of leg lifts.  It is intense, but completely do-able.  Nabhi Kriya works on the third chakra, the upper chakra in the lower triangle.  The next kriya that I chose for myself was Transforming the Lower Triangle to the Upper Triangle, feeling as if it were time to raise the energy.  It was also time to raise the bar.  This set is full of positions that are very difficult for me, most of which I can’t actually do perfectly, if at all.  Camel pose poses a great amount of difficulty.  Fish pose in celibate pose is almost impossible, for I am neither.  Plow pose?  Can’t do it, my feet dangle over my head and won’t get near the floor.  What kind of yogi am I?  And I call myself a teacher?  I practiced Kundalini Yoga for over 20 years (off and on) before I committed to becoming a teacher.  Why?  Because I could not do it perfectly.  One night, during a tumultuous time in my life (weren’t they all?), my teacher, Guru Singh, came to me in a dream.  In the dream I was in his class and he came up to me and asked me if I was going to take teacher training.  I told him honestly that I could not do much of what I would have to teach.  I felt as if I needed to be double jointed to be a yoga teacher.  He pointed out that my thumb was double jointed. True, said I.  He said that was a good place to start.  The next day, remembering the visitation in my dream, I committed to take teacher training, and my life began to change immediately.  Teacher training has given me a sense of value, of expression, and of purpose.  I honor those Level One trainees that are graduating from Yoga West this weekend, I am so proud of them all, and I pray that their lives become as blessed and beloved as mine has become.  It is not easy.  Transformation is never easy, yet always rewarding, even if it’s just transforming from the lower triangle to the upper triangle.  As Guru Singh says, we are not here to prove anything, we are here to improve everything.  Sat Nam.

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Let Love Grow

Breathe into that wonderful thought that abides in tranquility and kindness.  Allow the visions of confusion, distraught and despair to pass.  Become lost in Love.  This is God’s love. Creator force unchanging, uplifting and transforming.  Allow Her grace to hold you, to mold you into this being of light that abides in you already, waiting to shine.  Release the nagging fear that all is not well.  Abide in Her with patience and mindfulness. Allow your heart to step outside.  Surround yourself in the promise of Love; let love live in you, and breathe through you, to become you, to be You, who you are.

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Hiccups

Hiccups along the way are opportunities to grow, at the very least.  Today I move forward, I walk through loneliness, pain and fear oftentimes; it is set aside and replaced by the oneness of the heart, soul and mind that is given as a gift through the Prana in the work of yoga and meditation, by the Eternal God with and in Whom I am one.  I realize that the child inside of me becomes frightened, but it is the parent, centered in God consciousness, that is able to take the child’s hand and guide him, through the dark, and into the light.     

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Pools

As I pray, meditate and practice the yoga, I slowly release the ties that bind me to certain thoughts, feelings and attitudes. Belief systems and constructs of the mind slowly dissolve, freeing me from wastefulness and want. I have more time to breathe.  I have more time to be.  To be still.  To be still knowing that all is theater, and that God and I are one.

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Space

In meditation I am not stopping my thoughts; I am watching them drift in and out.  When they arise I will label them, and they then dissipate. I try to keep the categories simple.  What is the core desire behind each thought?  Basic needs usually come up: food, sex, companionship, entertainment (distractions). When I place a label on them they know they have been found out and move on.  It is at that point that I have a moment of no thought, before the next one passes by in the parade.  It is these periods of no thought that is feeding me. Like the space between the words, it says more than anything that I can say.

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Shuniya

All my mind seems to understand is the past. Each thought is related to some past thought, action, feeling or desire. Embracing the present, the true present, takes me to a place of non-thought, an emptiness.  This is what the yogis call shuniya, that place of stillness.  Shuniya feeds no desire.  It awakens my consciousness.  I am able to arrive at this place of suspension through pranayama, controlling the movement of my breath.  The answer to the riddle of the mind is in the breath.  Sat Nam.

Blame

How can I blame you, when it is I who feels the way that I do? How often have I blamed someone for how I feel? It really is a shame to blame. It makes me powerless over me, when I am actually powerless over you. I cannot control you; the way that you act, the way that you look, what you are thinking, saying, what you are doing. You are not me. I can only control me, and only then, when I can learn how to be.
 

Mistakes

It's not easy being human, we make mistakes. Animals seem to make fewer mistakes. If an animal makes a mistake, it may cost it its life. Maybe that is why animals don't try as hard as humans. We try so hard. Life can be trying and hard. Animals seem to be enjoying life. We humans need to finish what they are doing before they can do that. I really believe that that is my only mistake. I have to enjoy what I am doing before I can really finish it.

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glory

In All That You Do, Do It For The Glory Of God!

Fear

May 9, 2012

The problem with fear is that it steals focus.  Fear often does not last for a minute or two and then dissipate, it likes to linger, and force our energy into uncomfortable realms. Most of the time that which we fear most does not even come to pass; yet there we sit, focused on the unnecessary.  The side effects to fear are stress; our breathing becomes shallow, the heart races, and worry captures our soul.  Fear, of course, can be very real, or quite imagined; and the more that we focus on the fear, the more likely it will be that we will need cause to worry, as it draws more unbalance into our life.  Perhaps we can change our thought patterns with forced thinking, but the mind will go back to where the emotion lies, and emotional patterns are more difficult to resist.  But we have the tools to change all of that.  Begin breathing, eight strokes of breath in, through the nose, then one long exhale.  Notice the stress, fear and anxiety begin to dissipate.  Continue this practice for 11 minutes.  Understand that you are in control of your thoughts and your feelings.  Know that the change within creates a change without. Your circumstances will eventually change, you are taking control of your breath and your life, you are no longer a victim.  There is nothing to fear but fear itself.

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Goddess Moon

Blessed be the Goddess, Mother of all Creation.  Her beauty, light and life shining brightly, reflected in the full moon this Saturday night.  All who come together to honor her nurturance are sent forth in love and guidance.  Bring with You Her wisdom, that You may know Her truth, that You may seek Her light. May You offer forth all that You are, in return for all that You can be.

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Listen

It was suggested at my men’s meeting last night that we all take time to sit quietly for a few minutes every day and listen.  It is so important just to listen.  Just to sit still and be present.  Not listening to anything or anyone, just hearing the quiet, or the sounds.  I try not to associate, but I do.  The cars driving down my busy street are reminding me of the ocean waves. The birds have an occasional song, yet when I listen, they are singing all of the time.  The dogs have not been barking as much lately, but they are barking now; and I don’t know where the guy that goes down the street a few times a day yelling “Tamales, tamales!” has gone off to.  I am not listening for these things, I am hearing them.  There is a difference.  If I am listening for them then I am actively doing something, and that dog can start to irritate me.  If I am just sitting still, and hearing what there is to be heard, I am calm, I am passive, I am in acceptance. One in being, I learn to just be.  To become. The best time to sit quietly is between breaths. A perfect time to listen to Spirit.

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Cleanse

The nine day yogic cleanse begins next Monday.  This year I want to be prepared.  In previous years I would continue the pattern of coffee, sugar and white flour up until the day of the cleanse, then quit and cleanse, and spend the next three days in a coma with a headache.  This year I decided to cut out the coffee, sugar and processed white flour a week early. I am allowing myself tea, but it’s not the same.  A beautiful cup of green tea is no substitute for 40 oz of French Roast.  I find when my system is cleaned out, I feel better, my thoughts are clearer, and more productive. I have more energy.  So the plan, after the cleanse, is to stay off of those fun foods through June, so that when I am being fed onion soup for breakfast everyday (unless I can steal a bowl of oatmeal from a child) at the Summer Solstice retreat in Espanola, NM, my mind won’t drag my ass down the hill into town to the local Starbucks. What is it those Boy Scouts used to say?  Who knows what July will look like.

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Prayer

In the Women’s jail last night several women approached me following our panel discussion and asked me to pray for them.  This is the greatest honor.  To be able to pray for someone that needs your prayer.  I don’t like to wait; I begin praying for you the very moment that you ask, in case I forget.  It is difficult for me sometimes to remember names, faces, situations; but the prayer is there.  It is in my heart.  I see the soul surrounded in a shroud of God’s light.  I feel healing within their being. I send comfort to those that love them.  I honor their request.  I have had to remember to pray for others.  So often I go to God with my own needs, fears and desires. There is nothing wrong with that, because it always comes back to asking God what Her will is for me, and how might I carry that out?  It is when I take my prayers for you before God that I am rewarded with the beauty of caring, compassion and kindness.  When I honor these feelings, my troubles dissolve, and my problem is solved.

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