Brahmacharya: Non excess 6

As I walk with God I learn patience, trust, honor and dignity. I see that where I have been is not where I am at.  The path is not the present. Footsteps in the sand; walking with God, being carried by God… when I walk alone, I am afraid, and I try and protect myself.  I do it by carrying a large load.  When I walk alone, I believe that I need more than I really do, more money, more food, power, sex, on and on it goes, as if I am deprived, and I become depraved.  When I am with God, all that I have is all that I need.  My higher power knows my needs, which are simple, healthy and pure; and She provides.  My wants and desires can certainly get out of hand, and I can become like a two year old wanting more, taking toys away from the other kids, ending up alone in the sandbox.  As I walk with God there is no need for excess, I look around, what a beautiful and bountiful world we live in, it belongs to all of us.  We can take what we need, and leave others the rest.

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Brahmacharya: Non excess 5

Bramacharya is most commonly used to describe sexual purity, celibacy.  This has also been a struggle for me; not that I believe that abstinence is my path, but I do have an ideal.  The yogic practice of the Yamas and the Niyamas are about setting an ideal, and trying to live by that ideal.  These practices are not something that we will ever do perfectly; like the Steps, we do perfectly that which we must do perfectly, and do our best with the rest.

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Brahmacharya: Non excess 4

The holidays… that wonderful time between Thanksgiving and New Year, seems to be anything goes, into my stomach.  Ok, so I am off of the booze and the drugs, most of them.  But the sugar, the white flour, the coffee, oh my!  Right around now I am feeling sluggishly overweight, not the perfectly balanced yogi that I am aiming to be.  I am telling myself that the New Year’s resolution, no sugar, no coffee, no white flour, for at least 40 days, is coming soon, thank God, but that truffle on the desk at work, that cheesecake in the fridge, that morning cup of joe, I get three more days!  What I do is overindulge in these delights, my taste buds want more, I am eating what tastes good rather than what feels good.  When I gave up drinking for a few months in 1999, the craving hang over my head like the sword of Damocles. Once I finally gave in on New Years 2000 and surrendered to that glass of champagne, it was on, and I started drinking like a fish for the next three years, as if I was making up for lost time.  I am feeling that way about the sugar and coffee right now, because I need to put it down.  Bramacharya  allows for the occasional dessert, but I am trying to understand what triggers me into submission. In order to lead a healthy, balanced lifestyle, I must find that middle path of moderation that exists somewhere, I am told.

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Brahmacharya: Non excess 3

My excesses have been all over the place.  I have, as mentioned before, drank alcohol and smoked marijuana every day for years.  On most days the drinking did not start until happy hour, it never got to the point that I would need a drink in the morning to steady my nerves, and I have the weed to thank for that.  Because I was smoking it all day every day, I was high enough that I could put off the booze until the end of the day.  This literally went on for twenty five years.  When I remember the way that I used to live it really disgusts me, and yet I know that my obsessive mind is always a compulsive thought away from the next drink.  That is why I have to keep going to meetings, because there is a part of me that will always let me know that one drink would be harmless, even pleasant. The meetings remind me that one drink will trigger the obsession that will bring on the excess, perhaps to the point of my own demise.  But the meetings also give me the opportunity to reach out my hand to help someone that is trying to get sober, to stay sober, that needs help.  When I finally dragged myself into my first meeting I was surrounded by people that offered themselves to be of service to me.  These people saved my life, and I want to be there to be able to do the same.

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Brahmacharya: Non excess 2

As a young man, my hero was Hunter S Thompson.  I wanted to be a journalist for a minute in high school, and Hunter knew how to write amazing pieces and get really loaded at the same time.  Perhaps it would have been Ernest Hemingway if I had grown up in a previous generation.  Men who knew how to live, in my mind, because they lived to excess, and I believed that was really living.  Perhaps some folks can party in moderation, I never had a talent for that, never really wanted one.  When I drank, I drank to get f’d up, I didn’t see any other purpose in it, really.  Both of these great men blew their brains out.  That seems to be where excess leads, to total annihilation.  Most of us probably have something that we do to excess, it may be drinking; it may be thinking, eating, working, rest or play.  I am trying to balance out my life today, and I will admit that even that is a juggling act in this world.  I used to try and manage my drinking and drug use on any given night to balance out the perfect feeling, yet it usually led to a blackout.  My daily practice of yoga and meditation and working the steps may seem excessive to some, but it sure beats the hell out of a bottle, or a barrel, in my mouth.

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Brahmacharya: Non excess

The forth jewel, the Yama Brahmacharya, is interpreted as “walking with God.”  How do we walk with God?  How do we keep things holy?  How many people, besides me, spent Christmas day doing something, if not several things, to excess?  Christmas day, or the 6^th Light of Hanukah, or any sacred holiday (Holy Day) is a day that we set aside to walk with God, and yet it becomes instead an exercise in excess.  Too much food, booze, party favors, just too many gifts, not to mention the heap of wrapping paper.  And how many of us are getting ready to do it all again next week, so that we can really feel the need to make those New Year’s resolutions ring true?  Today I will try and walk with God, to breathe in the sacredness of each moment, to not try and fill my needs with more stuff, more sugar, more. Today I will remember that less is more.

So this is Christmas

The gifts that I bare this Christmas are joy, gratitude, love for all of my family and friends, and love for everyone that I meet.  And if you know me, you know that I will accost strangers just to make a new friend in that moment.  Merry Christmas… accost a stranger.

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