Suffering

I have suffered because I believed that suffering was necessary.  Now, when I am in pain, I either sit with the pain or find a remedy, but I no longer suffer.  Suffering is not a physical fact; it is a state of mind.  As Ziggy once said, I’ve had my share; I’ll help you with the pain.  You’re not alone.

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Dark Shadows

When I saw the trailer for Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows for the first time I was chagrined to see that he had turned my childhood gothic horror soap into a campy dumbed down comedy.  How could he do such a thing?  Wasn’t he saying that he, like Johnny Depp, like myself, were one of those kids, millions of kids, that would run home from school each day to catch the next creepy episode?  We were dying to see this tale of a family living in a haunted house, beset with vampires, werewolves and alcoholism; dysfunction of the highest order.  The children in Dark Shadows were lonely, frightened, and had closer relationships with malevolent ghosts than with their own parents.  We loved it because we could identify with it.  Perhaps the show darkened our already maladjusted psyche even more! We watched this stuff not once a week, 13 episodes a season, but every day.  I believe that I have seen all 1225 episodes during the original run and in reruns.  Granted it was shot without retakes, they were reading the scripts, and the effects were totally cheap, but overall the acting and the writing was fascinating for what they had to pull off each and every day.  The source material was more than Dracula and Frankenstein, but Jane Eyre and Turn of the Screw; it was some dark, dark stuff.  Perhaps Mr. Burton has found the need to lighten up this story, to go back into his childhood and realize that perhaps he does not have to take it all so seriously, to shine some comedic light and let his inner child laugh and smile.  What genre is your life?  Drama?  Tragedy? Comedy?  Perhaps it is time to rewrite the script.

Second Step

What is the power greater than myself, which is able to restore me to sanity?  It is me, but it is more than that.  It is you. I could not have been restored without you.  It is me plus you. Me plus you equals we.  We came to believe.  We believed that it was possible.  You showed me the way.  I was lost, you found me and brought me home.  I would be lost without you.  I was us.  All of us.  We did this together.  I did it because you showed me how.  You did it because someone showed you.  We did it because we finally could.

Third Step

April 20, 2012

The Third Step is a way of life; it is the way of acceptance and surrender.  I surrender to no man, I surrender to God.  My emotions are a gauge, my mind is a tool, my body is a uniform, my spirit is in God.  In the Third Step I make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him, or in my case Her, because that is how I understand God, being neither Him nor Her, of course.  In acceptance I am able to live in the moment, the glorious now of existence, and be alright with that. In the Third Step I make a decision to allow God to decide what is best for me, and I accept what that is.  I certainly have my preferences; but I come to understand that my preferences are not always what is best for me.  If I get out of my way, and allow my Higher Power to let me know what is best for me, She does, and Her guardian angels arrive to comfort and assist.  Today I will let go and let God.

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Bramble

We come into this world and often wonder why.  Until we are able to answer this question with assurance we drift in and out of reason.  Many of us want to make a contribution; but others are resentful that we have been brought in, seemingly without love and guidance, and are looking for a way to get through and numb the pain.  Our journey is a spiritual undertaking, beset with the illusion of hardship and misery.  When we begin to wake up and realize that Truth is nothing more than the acceptance of love, life can become quite interesting.  Certainly there is karma to be burned, and lessons to be learned, so find a path and take it.  Step out of the briars and thickets and join the fabulous journey.  There is love in Truth.

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Acceptance

The process of letting go can be a grueling one, there is so much to hold on to, so much to look back on.  Have I really forgiven myself, and if so, how much?  Each time I look back on it and feel that sharp pain I know that I have more forgiveness to give forward.  It involves acceptance, not just of the situation, but of the feelings surrounding it.  The quieter my mind becomes, the less I am tormented by the “facts” of the situation.  There are no facts, there is only now, where I sit, how I breathe.  That is the only fact.  Everything else is a supposition.

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Birth

Let us give birth to ourselves, and finally, after living in the warmth of darkness, face the light of day.  I was gestated within the fears, longings and stresses of another, then set loose to learn how to release these preset anxieties.  Let us meet this challenge with courage and truth, with mercy and love, with compassion and atonement.  Who I was is no longer who I am, for I am free, and I have set out to do great things.  I leave burden and sorrow behind, for they are not mine.  They belong not to me, for I am free.

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By Thy Grace

God’s grace shines upon me like the colors on the rainbow that set itself in the clouds of the sky; like the Madonna rays raining from the sun.  Like the choir singing Gods’ praises back to heaven.  I am in a blissful state upon my return from Sat Nam Fest in the Joshua Tree desert. My shoulders are sore, my mind is clear.  A sense of radiance covers my body and shines from my soul.  Ask, and it shall be given.  I ask only for God’s grace, nothing more is needed to sustain me.

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growth

God provides time for us to grow, as much time as we need.  Lifetimes upon lifetimes; evolutionary science and grace.  Divine intervention, some of which not seemingly so.  Purity and pollution provides the stress and polarities needed to produce a spark which brings on enlightenment.  We are not at cross purposes here.  We are here to remind you to listen, to hear what is being said, to speak (you have a voice) you are an instrument; use it to manifest your power.  See what is before you.  See reality for what it really is.  Feel the beauty, and feel the pain.  Don’t run from it, walk through it, and come out the other side.  Leave it behind.  Nurture yourselves, water yourselves, eat living foods.  Dead foods =?  Live, love and learn to grow.

responsible

I do not have a responsibility to anyone other than to God, to myself and to everyone else.

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this day

I have opened my eyes to the possibility that now is the right time to be.  What I am experiencing this moment is the perfect event.  Sitting quietly on the floor, listening to the ocean waves crash, from a recording on the laptop, breathing in the fresh, clean smell of the moment.  Clear minded after yoga and a 31 minute meditation.  So cozy that I could curl up and go back to sleep, but that would not be enough for this day.  This day has a full sun, a wisp of clouds, and a gentle breeze.  This day brings with it smiles, certainty and surprise.  This day happens as I sit before the altar and pray.  This day is today.  From the depths of my soul I cry out to you, Wahe Guru.

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Selflove

When I am looking to fill the love hole in myself am I looking outside of myself? Where does love come from?  Does it come from sex, sugar or medication?  Do I need to be validated by someone?  The real question is, am I loving myself?  Am I validating myself?  I look at people that enjoy a loving partnership with their spouse and often really want what they have; and perhaps they are looking at me and really wanting what I have.  The magic partner is not going to fix me.  The girlfriend is just another teacher, the relationship another lesson.  If it is a lesson in love, then what a truly wonderful lesson it is, but it is still a lesson, hard fought, requiring patience, discipline and sacrifice.  It requires love, unconditional, not romantic; patient, not passionate. The passion ebbs, yet the love must grow.  It is the same in the love that I have for myself, a far more important love if any other love is to be genuine and true.

Sunrise

Whatever this day presents, I shall be present.

Celebration of Sacrifice

The story of Passover and Good Friday are stories of sacrifice.  Each of us sacrifice one way of living if we are to be reborn into another way of life, and often that includes some struggle, some time spent in the desert.  When I was a slave to my obsessions, my higher Power continually sent plagues upon me, wake up calls, that got louder, and more frightening, each time they came around; still I would not heed them.  Frogs, locusts and burning hail became sickness, loss and nights in jail.  Even at the frightening near loss of my children I could not stop this obstinate and baffling behavior.  It is because I had to die to who I was.  I spent the first year clean telling people that I did not know who I was, because I no longer was who I was; I had to be reborn.  I journeyed through the steps to learn who I was, who my Higher Power, that which I call God, was.  I tried my best to resolve and repair my wrongs, and to live in such a way that these wrongs would be amended.  I prayed and meditated.  I gave my life to others.   For me today is a special celebration of the loss of that life; that me that I thought was me, so that I could be reborn into the I am.

Love and Service

Do it, don’t go through it.  Be it, don’t just see it. Have it, don’t half it.  We come to a place today where recovery and service are one, for we cannot fully recover unless we can do for others.  We get down on our knees and we wash the feet of our family, friends and strangers so that we can come clean.  We wash the feet of others; strangers, sisters and brothers.  We give our lives to our work, which is the development of humanity, the construct of love in us, through us and around us.  Let us love other people.  Let us live for one another.  Let me be a better brother.

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Mercury forward

It has been so difficult for me to get motivated and moving, I have felt crabby and lethargic.  Today we celebrate Mercury moving ahead, and I could not be more excited.  The yoga, chanting and meditation this morning gave me a renewed strength and a calm, clear mind.  My prayer opens my heart.  Breath of fire cleaning out the cobwebs in my body and my brain.  Sat Kriya raising my energy and awareness.  Each of these tools are gifts that I have been given and support the fact that God lives within me; that God and me, Me and God, are one.  Healthy, happy and holy are those that come in the name of the Lord.

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Spring Cleaning

Today begins the ending of the Mercury retrograde cycle.  During these next couple of days let us finish all of those unfinished projects, let go of those unwanted issues, and do some spring cleaning.  Let’s let go of the past.  Let’s sit and meditate so that come this weekend we are ready to start making plans, moving forward, and watching ourselves grow.  Let’s stop looking outside of ourselves for the solution, and quietly remember that we have all of the answers we need, all of the love that we need, our spiritual solution deep within us.

Honesty

Honesty and communication are vitally important if I am to be true to myself, my friends and family. If I am being honest with myself and with you before I decide to act in one manner or another then we are all on the same page.  If my behavior is deceptive, manipulative, self-serving and I am not forthcoming in my affairs then I am hurting me as well as you.  I must look deeper.  What do I really want?  If this desire selfish in any way or does it effectively elevate me and you?  Am I doing right by you?  Be silent, watch the pain, follow the joy, feel the love buried deep within the desire.  Shine light on the fear, bring out the love, and comprehend the compassion.

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