Santosha: Contentment 5

This is the weekend of the Cornerstone Men’s Retreat.  Cornerstone is an organization that I helped organize and build at St. Monica’s Parish in Santa Monica, CA.  A group of around 100 men get together for 28 hours and learn to communicate, to relate, to worship life, to feel our feelings.  This year marks the fourth annual retreat, so it was 5 years ago that Sr. Catherine called me and asked me if I would be willing to go to American Martyrs in Manhattan Beach and attend a men’s retreat with the possibility to bring it back to St. Monica.  There would be 3 other men from St. Monica at the retreat, and we could have the experience and see if it was something that we though St. Monica would benefit from.  When she asked the first thought that raced through my mind was “NOOOO”, but Sr. Catherine is truly a saint, and to say no to a saint is like giving up on life.  I had learned in program that unless we have a prior commitment, to always say yes.  Yet this was so far out of my comfort zone.  I am not a devout Catholic by any means, I participate at times because I love the spirituality of this particular parish, and there are beautiful things about Catholicism that I adore, but over all we all know it has its problems. So I showed up, not because I wanted to, but because I have learned that that is what we do, we show up.  To this day I am a grateful member of Cornerstone, and the deep level of spiritual fellowship that it has taught me.  I have learned to love and respect men, something that was deeply lacking in my life.  I have learned that if I am willing to step out of my comfort zone and say yes, marvelous miracles can occur.

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Santosha: Contentment 4

I got to use one of my favorite sayings yesterday; I got to remind a loved one that “what other people think about you is none of your business.”  This phrase really opened my eyes to a whole new world once I discovered it, when someone blessed me with this little reminder.  I remember literally spending weeks in states of depression because I thought that someone, someone I barely knew, was mad at me.  There was no reason for this person to actually be upset with me.  It was more likely a case of their having a bad day and not responding in the manner that I had grown accustomed.  One of my faults is the need to have people like me.  While this may seem to be an admirable quality on the surface, it can actually be emotionally crippling because, while I do want to be a kind and loving person, I am powerless over other peoples wants, needs and feelings, and it is really none of my business.  If a person is actually upset with me, then it is their responsibility to let me know so that we can sort it out.  I do not want to carry the guilt of actually hurting others, and I must make amends for the wrongs that I do; but I no longer need to attach myself to the personal growth of others, I have my own growing to do.

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Santosha: Contentment 3

It is raining today, such a rare occasion in Los Angeles that many of us enjoy the rain and are grateful.  Think about the poor folks in Texas and New Mexico that haven’t seen much rain these past few years and are suffering. There are those of us that just see the rain as an inconvenience to their plans, spoiling their picnic, so to speak.  Understandable; my oldest son is a bicycle messenger in downtown Los Angeles. Rain for him is not only miserable but potentially life threatening.  The point is that it is all a matter of perspective, some things fall into the category of “makes me happy” and there are those things that fall into that other category. When my plans fall through, I can become quite frustrated, perhaps even angry.  They say that God is laughing at our plans.  Is God really that mean spirited, or does God perhaps have other plans for us, maybe even better.  At least I am being set up to learn something.  If I keep doing the same doing, feeling the same feeling, liking the same stuff and disliking that crap that I don’t like, what I am I really learning?  If I am not learning, I am not living.

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Santosha: Contentment 2

I can be happy now.  I don’t have to wait.  Happiness is a state of mind, it is a perspective.  It is an attitude.  I can be worried, and still be happy.  I can actually be angry, and still be happy.  The underlying foundation of our emotional being is joy.  When we are at joy we are home.  There are so many layers of discontent that cover our joy, but it is always there, ready to be uncovered, ready to shine. I have created prisons in my mind that have kept me from contentment because I believed that I needed that relationship, that income, that event to occur, and I was on pins and needles waiting for it.  But joy was always there, breathing, living, being.  I get back to that place of joy each day when I sit in Sadhana. I take that joy with me throughout the rest of the day.  When there is a disturbance in the force, it does not become me, it is what it is.  I am joy, and the expression of that joy, which is love.

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Santosha: Contentment

The Yamas are like the Ten Commandments; thou shalt not harm or kill, thou shalt not lie, thou shalt not steal, thou shalt not covet, thou shalt not be a greedy pig, etc.  The Niyamas, on the other hand, are the thou shalts, or thou shall. (I don’t think shalt is a word, and thou shall has a funny rhyme to it). Santosha is thou shall be content.  If Yahweh had directly given Moses and his people the thou shalls, rather than implying them, it may have been easier for people to understand that the implication of the Ten Commandments is thou shall be content with what I, the Lord your God, has provided for you.  Rejoice in your manna.  Live an attitude of gratitude for the abundance that I bestow upon you, the rich bounty of this world.  And we say, but we are living in a desert without a home, and people are chasing us that want to enslave or kill us, and there really isn’t much to this manna really, can’t we have a good steak?  And God might say, sure, but then who would carry your luggage? It is because we are so worried about the moment that is not now.  Right now, we can be content that God is even speaking to us.

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Saucha: Purity 5

So many of us are looking for pure water, pure food, and pure air; clean, organic, unpolluted.  It really is a shame that we do not have easy access to such things.  We end up paying more and having to look harder for food that has not been doused in poison, water that has not been contaminated.  I settle for the air in Los Angeles only because this darling city of ours has more options for me than rural Montana.  In my daily practice of yoga and meditation I have added an hour of chanting the Aquarian Sadhana.  There is such a beauty and purity to chanting kirtan, it seems as if all of the toxins in the world cannot penetrate it. I know that the world is changing, it is becoming a consciously pure and holy place, as I witness the growth of the kirtan movement, the yoga movement, the occupy movement.  We are becoming a conscious people, aware of the toxins in our environment, working to eradicate to toxic eating, toxic breathing, toxic thinking and toxic behavior.  

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Saucha: Purity 4

To live fully in the moment is the only lesson that I really need to learn.  To be completely present in the here and now, the purity of what that means, to be here, now, to be here with you, is all I must do. In meditation each morning, this is all that I am doing, being still and present.  Is my mind working on all of its thoughts, facts, figures, decisions and demands?  For the most part my mind won’t shut the fuck up; yet those glorious short sweet moments of ecstasy, when I am so present that I can taste God, are worth every moment of struggle that I endure to be still, here, now.

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Saucha: Purity 3

Last evening at a men’s meeting we were sitting around a table discussing the reading, and whatever else had been going on since we had seen each other last.  We asked a brother across the table how he was doing, and his fragile smile began to break. He was not doing well, he told us, and began to describe a series of heartbreaking sufferings and frustrations that he was trying to cope with, including so many recent deaths of friends, culminating in the death of one of his closest friends that he had know since childhood  the day before.  This man knows death; he has looked it in the face all too often, holding his friends as they died in his arms.  Experiencing his own health issues stemming from a genetic heart defect, he felt like giving up, he told us. He was not going to come to the meeting but decided to come after all.  I was so grateful he was with us in his time of crisis.  I wanted to fix him so badly, to hold him and to make it all better. Rather than trying to fix him though, we listened.  He sat with him.  We loved him.  We allowed the purity of the moment to be exactly what it was, a period of suffering and compassion, without judging it or trying to change it.  Later that evening a short film screened that told the story of Job.  Job suffered torments that no man can know without breaking.  When he asked God why, God basically said that ours is not to know why God works in mysterious, and awesome ways, so don’t ask, just bask in the purity of each moment, through the trials, the suffering, the wonder, the love.

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Saucha: Purity 2

An important part of the process of recovery is cleaning up.  To get clean is how we start the road to recovery.  We always have to begin by cleaning up physically.  We stop drinking, using, raging, eating sugar… whatever it is that we are doing that is muddying up the waters. We have to stop in order to purify our being.  In 12 step programs we try to then begin working the steps as soon as possible.  The real purification comes when we take steps 4-7.  In step 4 we do a complete moral inventory.  If I am going to clean it out I have to bring it up in order to get rid of it.  Once I have dragged the crap out of the closet, so to speak, I then have to shed some light on it.  The process of purification requires shining a light on the darkness within.  We do that by letting ourselves, our Higher Power, and an impartial observer in on our nasty secrets.  We tell everything, leaving out nothing, and in the light of day these boogie men aren’t so terrifying after all.  That is step 5.  In step 6 we become willing to allow our Higher Power to purify us.  Purification means everything that is holding us back from our divinity. Once we are willing to let it all go, we ask our Higher Power to take it from us, to purify us, to make us whole.  Why do we bother?  Because heaven and hell are not necessarily places that you go when you die; they are right here, right now, and the choice is yours.

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Saucha: Purity

Having looked into the five jewels of the Yamas, we now begin the Niyamas as taught by Pantanjali. The Yamas are designed to aid us in our dealings with in the world, the Niyamas in our dealing with ourselves.  The first jewel is Saucha: purity. Our yogic practice helps us to become more pure in our physicality, and in our physical space, in our hearts, our minds, and in spirit.  Health is our natural state of physical being, and taking care of ourselves is our responsibilities as human beings.  Life is an amazing gift, you wanted it (whether you know it or not), wouldn’t it be best to appreciate it?  Most all of us do not want to be sick, but yet so many of us we eat poorly, don’t strengthen our bodies through exercise, don’t drink enough water, work so hard, play too hard, abuse ourselves with drugs and alcohol, including prescribed pharmaceuticals, isolate, watch entirely too much TV, don’t turn to our higher power, let alone meditate to clean out the mind.  Quality of life is so important. What can I do to improve my quality of life today?

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Aparigraha: nonpossessiveness 6

In the 12 step program we practice the concept of letting go and letting God.  This is our third step, turning our will and our lives over to God to handle, and enjoying the ride of our lives.  We cannot do this if we are attached to the results.  I have to keep in mind that God has bigger and better plans for me than I am able to consciously grasp at this time, and that is a good thing.  Life is a beautiful story that unfolds full of drama, comedy, suspense and music.  It can’t all happen at once.  Then it would not be a story.  If I don’t have exactly what I I think that I need right this second, it is either because it would but the story out of sequence, or because there will be a plot twist, and something better is going to happen.  Today I am going to be unattached to the story, I am going to let God write it, and I am going to participate but focusing on the next indicated step.  As long as I hit my mark, the scene will be perfect.

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Aparigraha: nonpossessiveness 5

I have been in unhealthy romantic relationships.  Imagine that.  How do I know that they were unhealthy?  Because I was miserable when she was not around, because I was jealous, because I wanted to control her, because I was attached. Some people call this love. I have called this love.  I have found that it is actually fear.  1 Corinthians 13, 4-7 is truly an amazing scared scripture; Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love is not attached.

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Aparigraha: nonpossessiveness 4

I believe that this is an appropriate place and time to plug my friend Brooks Palmer, the Clutterbuster.  Brooks provides a spiritual service.  He works with people to remove “clutter” from their lives.  Clutter is not necessarily just the pile of papers on the desk, the clothes in the closet that never get worn, the toys the kids no longer play with.  Clutter takes up space in our emotional body, which can be ruinous. Perhaps I am attached to an object that carries with it a memory.  I believe that I am supposed to keep this object, perhaps even display it, though it can do considerable damage just hiding under the bed.  This object, be it a letter, a photo, a stuffed animal, whatever, is keeping me attached to pain.  I may not even recognize the pain, but Brooks sees the pain.  He works intuitively, with patience, kindness and compassion to help remove objects, memories and fears that weight us down.  Try throwing something away today.  Let go of the attachment that is no longer serving you, see how much better, how much lighter, which you feel.  Brooks Palmer has written the definitive book, Clutter busting: Letting Go of What is Holding You Back, and is available for personal consultation. www.clutterbusting.com

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Aparigraha: nonpossessiveness 3

When Gandhi and his family were leaving South Africa to return to and begin his public work in India, after being a leader for Indian civil rights in South Africa, his friends, supporters, clients and constituents gave him lavish gifts to thank him for his public service.  This troubled him.  He was up all night feeling guilty about the jewels and trophies that were bestowed upon him.  He told his family that he wanted to return the goods to the Indians in South Africa in a trust so that they could use the funds to further their cause. His wife was very upset.  The beautiful gilt might be used for their children’s weddings, their education, and didn’t she deserve something for all of the hard work that she had done, raising the family and keeping the household together while he was away performing this work?  He understood how she felt, but was firm about not accepting anything of monetary value for being of service to the community.  The decision to be of service without any thought for recompense is what gained India its freedom. How much different would our world be if our public leaders were not able to benefit financially from their decisions? This is also what gives us our freedom each day from our troubles and addictions, when we reach out our hands to others, we are freed from our attachments and obsessions.

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Aparigraha: nonpossessiveness 2

We go through phases.  I am in another Beatles phase.  This has been going on for several months now. I am reading a book that breaks down every song that they have written, even posting on Amazon things about the book like “The author doesn’t understand that there can be multiple meanings to songs, the author doesn’t understand John, etc.”  I take it very personally.  I know when things are out of balance when a hobby becomes a bit obsessive and I push against the Yogic ethics of Brahmacharya, wanting to own every single recording of The Beatles and every single solo Beatle (even Paul) in such a compulsive manner that I risk the practice of Asteya by asking my son to get the albums that I don’t have off of the file sharing site that he accesses.  I have to realize that I cannot possess the Beatles, and I will become possessed by being so possessive.  I won’t even end up listening to all of this crap.  I will just attempt to fulfill that compulsive desire for more.  John, George, Ringo, even Paul, belong to the world.  Let it go.  Let it be.

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Aparigraha: nonpossessiveness

Aparigraha is the practice of not being attached to people, places and things.  We can do this by realizing that all, besides God and our divine soul, is impermanent, and that the lesson of life is that if we try to attach ourselves to people, places or things we may be hurt once they are removed. Ah, so many examples; I suppose I shall begin with the most recent.  I have become an aroma therapist after having fallen in love with a product line of essential oils.  These oils are therapeutic grade, so I am putting them all over me and my friends. We are ingesting them to prevent illness from virus and bacteria; we are using them to balance our emotionality, and diffusing them into our homes. These oils are truly amazing, the second coming, as far as I am concerned.  I also use them in class, sharing them with the students to produce a profound effect during the Kriyas and meditations.  Last Saturday I left the case of oils at the Yoga Studio as they were hurrying to close for the New Year.  I did not realize it until a friend asked to get some, I looked in the car and they were not there.  When I realized what I had done I raced down there to see if anyone was around but they were gone for the weekend.  I was panicked for a bit, I was so attached to these oils, fearful that something would happen to them that someone would take them, and kept asking St. Anthony to come to my aid.  It is difficult to lose something that we love.  Even more difficult to loose someone that we love, especially if the loss seems permanent.  We do have each other; we will always have each other, in one form or another.  Thank you for picking them up for me Kristen.

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