I am not completely proud of all the things that I have done. Each day it seems that there is that something something that I say, something that I do, that I wish I had not. I am able to justify it at the time, perhaps for weeks at a time, but when I get clear, there it is, looking at me and telling me that I can do better. When I made amends to my father, it was just a look across the room when I told him that I apologized for everything that I had done to hurt him. Inside of me I was still thinking about the things that he had done to hurt me. He just looked at me and said that he was sorry that I had been hurting myself, much more than I had hurt him. He meant it. He was one that would stay up all night in bed worrying about me. He was genuinely sorry about how badly I had treated his only son. Many of us believe that God is like that. Not judging us, just sharing in our pain. When I pray to have my shortcomings removed, it is not to please “Him”, it is not so that I become a saint; it is so that We may live in loving harmony, at peace with ourselves and one another.
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