Brahmacharya: Non excess 6

As I walk with God I learn patience, trust, honor and dignity. I see that where I have been is not where I am at.  The path is not the present. Footsteps in the sand; walking with God, being carried by God… when I walk alone, I am afraid, and I try and protect myself.  I do it by carrying a large load.  When I walk alone, I believe that I need more than I really do, more money, more food, power, sex, on and on it goes, as if I am deprived, and I become depraved.  When I am with God, all that I have is all that I need.  My higher power knows my needs, which are simple, healthy and pure; and She provides.  My wants and desires can certainly get out of hand, and I can become like a two year old wanting more, taking toys away from the other kids, ending up alone in the sandbox.  As I walk with God there is no need for excess, I look around, what a beautiful and bountiful world we live in, it belongs to all of us.  We can take what we need, and leave others the rest.

gregorysgardner.com

Brahmacharya: Non excess 5

Bramacharya is most commonly used to describe sexual purity, celibacy.  This has also been a struggle for me; not that I believe that abstinence is my path, but I do have an ideal.  The yogic practice of the Yamas and the Niyamas are about setting an ideal, and trying to live by that ideal.  These practices are not something that we will ever do perfectly; like the Steps, we do perfectly that which we must do perfectly, and do our best with the rest.

gregorysgardner.com

Brahmacharya: Non excess 4

The holidays… that wonderful time between Thanksgiving and New Year, seems to be anything goes, into my stomach.  Ok, so I am off of the booze and the drugs, most of them.  But the sugar, the white flour, the coffee, oh my!  Right around now I am feeling sluggishly overweight, not the perfectly balanced yogi that I am aiming to be.  I am telling myself that the New Year’s resolution, no sugar, no coffee, no white flour, for at least 40 days, is coming soon, thank God, but that truffle on the desk at work, that cheesecake in the fridge, that morning cup of joe, I get three more days!  What I do is overindulge in these delights, my taste buds want more, I am eating what tastes good rather than what feels good.  When I gave up drinking for a few months in 1999, the craving hang over my head like the sword of Damocles. Once I finally gave in on New Years 2000 and surrendered to that glass of champagne, it was on, and I started drinking like a fish for the next three years, as if I was making up for lost time.  I am feeling that way about the sugar and coffee right now, because I need to put it down.  Bramacharya  allows for the occasional dessert, but I am trying to understand what triggers me into submission. In order to lead a healthy, balanced lifestyle, I must find that middle path of moderation that exists somewhere, I am told.

gregorysgardner.com

Brahmacharya: Non excess 3

My excesses have been all over the place.  I have, as mentioned before, drank alcohol and smoked marijuana every day for years.  On most days the drinking did not start until happy hour, it never got to the point that I would need a drink in the morning to steady my nerves, and I have the weed to thank for that.  Because I was smoking it all day every day, I was high enough that I could put off the booze until the end of the day.  This literally went on for twenty five years.  When I remember the way that I used to live it really disgusts me, and yet I know that my obsessive mind is always a compulsive thought away from the next drink.  That is why I have to keep going to meetings, because there is a part of me that will always let me know that one drink would be harmless, even pleasant. The meetings remind me that one drink will trigger the obsession that will bring on the excess, perhaps to the point of my own demise.  But the meetings also give me the opportunity to reach out my hand to help someone that is trying to get sober, to stay sober, that needs help.  When I finally dragged myself into my first meeting I was surrounded by people that offered themselves to be of service to me.  These people saved my life, and I want to be there to be able to do the same.

Gregorysgardner.com

Brahmacharya: Non excess 2

As a young man, my hero was Hunter S Thompson.  I wanted to be a journalist for a minute in high school, and Hunter knew how to write amazing pieces and get really loaded at the same time.  Perhaps it would have been Ernest Hemingway if I had grown up in a previous generation.  Men who knew how to live, in my mind, because they lived to excess, and I believed that was really living.  Perhaps some folks can party in moderation, I never had a talent for that, never really wanted one.  When I drank, I drank to get f’d up, I didn’t see any other purpose in it, really.  Both of these great men blew their brains out.  That seems to be where excess leads, to total annihilation.  Most of us probably have something that we do to excess, it may be drinking; it may be thinking, eating, working, rest or play.  I am trying to balance out my life today, and I will admit that even that is a juggling act in this world.  I used to try and manage my drinking and drug use on any given night to balance out the perfect feeling, yet it usually led to a blackout.  My daily practice of yoga and meditation and working the steps may seem excessive to some, but it sure beats the hell out of a bottle, or a barrel, in my mouth.

gregorysgardner.com

Brahmacharya: Non excess

The forth jewel, the Yama Brahmacharya, is interpreted as “walking with God.”  How do we walk with God?  How do we keep things holy?  How many people, besides me, spent Christmas day doing something, if not several things, to excess?  Christmas day, or the 6^th Light of Hanukah, or any sacred holiday (Holy Day) is a day that we set aside to walk with God, and yet it becomes instead an exercise in excess.  Too much food, booze, party favors, just too many gifts, not to mention the heap of wrapping paper.  And how many of us are getting ready to do it all again next week, so that we can really feel the need to make those New Year’s resolutions ring true?  Today I will try and walk with God, to breathe in the sacredness of each moment, to not try and fill my needs with more stuff, more sugar, more. Today I will remember that less is more.

So this is Christmas

The gifts that I bare this Christmas are joy, gratitude, love for all of my family and friends, and love for everyone that I meet.  And if you know me, you know that I will accost strangers just to make a new friend in that moment.  Merry Christmas… accost a stranger.

gregorysgardner.com

Asteya: nonstealing 7

If I am to know whether or not I am stealing, I must know what it is that really belongs to me.  So much of life is here today and gone tomorrow.  If an object that I believe to be mine is no longer there, I often wonder, was it really mine to begin with.  That certainly holds true for people.  I was in love with a girl once that found someone more suitable and left me to be with him.  At first I thought that he had stolen her from me.  Imagine that, stealing a person.  Even the idea of stealing a heart seems ludicrous. It is sweet, in a romanticized way, but as Babs once sang, my heart belongs to me.  The only thing that truly belongs to me is that which I have earned.  Not things, really, but experiences, expertise, spiritual growth, the ability to love myself so that I can truly love others, the love of others; that which lives in my heart, and has added to the development of my soul, gets to be a part of me, and is something that I get to keep, if I do the work to keep it.

gregorysgardner.com

Asteya: nonstealing 6

The opposite of stealing, of course, is giving.  I have done almost no Christmas shopping this year.  It seems that the older my boys get the less excited I am about going out and buying all kinds of things.  Gabriel asked me today what he should get his brother and myself this year!  That is a first.  He is 24 and is holding down his first full time job, he may not realize it but this newfound sense of responsibility is the best gift that I could possibly ask for.  My son Ariel graduated from college last week.  What better gift is that, the gift that I have raised a son who was able to do that which I was not.  On Wednesday I attended a prayer vigil on 7^th and Ceres for a man who was murdered on that street corner, there were about 15 or 20 people there, including clergy, neighborhood leaders, LAPD, Occupy LA spiritual activists, and people passing by and joining in.  Many said prayers aloud for this man, and for the 104 people that died on skid row so far in 2011, according to Officer Johnson, who lead us in a powerful prayer. I lead the group in chanting Akal, a Sikh practice which means that there is no death, which helps the spirit to be guided into the light...into the light, Winter Solstice. My prayer is my gift.  If all that we do is just show up, and offer our presence, that is the greatest of presents.

gregorysgardner.com

Asteya: nonstealing 5

I met a new friend yesterday who had just accomplished a mighty ten years off of cigarettes. She mentioned that she still has cravings to this day. I smoked cigarettes for probably about 15 years.  I started on night in a club in NYC in the early Eighties; I believe my cousin and I were seeing Dr. Buzzards Original Savannah Band.  I found a pack of Kools on the ground and it started.  I was also smoking pot and drinking, it all went together.  I can’t say that I miss cigarettes, although they are certainly a bitch to try and quit.  We talked about the people in our lives that have emphysema, cancer; you name it, from cigarettes.  Every time I see someone smoking I want to ask them to stop, but I don’t.  “It is robbing you of your life, your breath”…but I can’t.  I remember that I would not have listened.  I could not quit until I was ready, whether it was the heaters, the booze, the weed, the dope; not until I was ready.

gregorysgardner.com

Asteya: nonstealing 4

Why have I felt the need to steal, to take something that rightfully belongs to someone or something else?  There is that fear again, false evidence appearing real. Fear that there is not enough for each of us, that my higher power, whom I will call God, does not provide for me.  The evidence is certainly to the contrary. I have been given all that I need, and then some. I actually am given the gift of what I want occasionally, whether it is in my own best interest or not;  whether it is in the best interest in my community, and the world that I live in, or not.  I am given breath, the greatest gift imaginable, the gift of life.  Why would I want to take and take and hoard and steal?  Because I do not think that God is enough.  Today let live me in faith, trust, and the experience of infinite security that is God realization.

gregorysgardner.com

Asteya: nonstealing 3

We all know the stories of ancient tribes that would enter into village after village, and rape, pillage and plunder when the hunting became in short supply.  This behavior is a part of our genetic code, and has been passed on from generation to the next several hundred generations.  Countries invading countries, indigenous peoples slaughtered in genocide, people taken into slavery, holocaust.  It seems to have always been happening, although I am certain that there were peoples, places and times when it did not, when peoples did not feel the necessity to live in greed, fear and disharmony; when respect for all that is prevailed.  We are seeking to love and nurture our planet, our resources and all of its inhabitants in our brief visit here.  We want to build a community of caring and sharing.  Not everyone is going to be able to remove themselves from the greed that springs forth from fear.  I pray that today I will be able to do just that.

gregorysgardner.com

Asteya: nonstealing 2

Yesterday at a meeting I sat down next to a woman and asked her how she was doing, she told me that her mother had just passed the previous day, and how she got to be there with her.  She was hurting and still in a bit of shock. I was able to sit and listen, without sharing about being with my father when he passed, although the notion passed through my thoughts, which would have diverted the attention away from her and onto me.  I have had a tendency to do that, to take your sorrows, your joys, your stories, and to make them about me.  It may be natural for my head to do that, it takes everything that you say and relates it back to itself, but the filter of compassion has often been lacking, and I have attempted to steal your moment.  Please allow me to return it, as I learn to breathe through my exuberance, and to center myself into thoughtful compassion and mindfulness of the story and the glory that is you. 

gregorysgardner.com

Asteya: nonstealing

The Yama Asteya, nonstealing, is asking us to practice nonviolence (Ahimsa) and Satya (Truthfulness), by being kind and honest in all of our affairs, by looking at what we taking from others that does not belong to us; and to see what we taking away from ourselves that does.

gregorysgardner.com

Satya: Truthfulness: 7

Satya: Truthfulness: 7

Truth can only really be found in the present moment. You know, yesterday is but a memory, tomorrow  a vision.  Living in a memory, or in a state of needy anticipation is the furthest thing from the truth.  Truth is me, here now.  How many worries and fears never come to pass, and how much time do I spend in them?  How many feelings of resentment, sorrow or guilt do I have to sift through before I can forgive it, forget it, and move on?  Move in, to the present moment; the moment of truth.  So here I am, writing my blog, sitting in front of my altar, and the day dances before me like a musical that I am writing, filled with laughter, love and song.  Yes, there will be some drama too, maybe a conflict…so exciting; but that is all it is, none of it is the truth.  The truth is here, now, sitting in front to the laptop beside the altar, smelling the Frankincense on my chest, tasting the hot Yogi tea, breathing, knowing, being.

gregorysgardner.com

Satya: Truthfulness: 6

My mind, on the other hand, does not really know from truth either.  What may have been true for me yesterday is not necessarily true for me today.  I have grown in my understanding.  I have taken a new perspective.  My wants and desires may have changed because I have begun to understand my needs.  I don’t cling to my truths; rather, I seek out the Universal Truths that are found in all of the scriptures, in the rhythms of life, in the eyes of the child.  I trust my Higher Power is Truth, and go with that, not knowing for certain exactly what that looks like, just trusting, just loving, just being.

gregorysgardner.com

Satya: Truthfulness: 5

Feelings are not facts, we are told.  They may be true for the moment, but they may soon change.  Feelings are fluid; they are ruled by the moon.  Emotions are watery in nature.  It can be unhealthy to get stuck in a feeling.  If I am stuck in sadness it can lead to depression.  If I am stuck in love it can lead to obsession, etc.  If I am stuck, I have to breathe and move through it.  The daily practice of yoga and meditation allow me to reset to joy, which is the base of all being, more a state of being than an emotion.  Bliss is not a feeling.  Bliss is truth.  When I uncover, discover and discard the realms of emotion floating through me, I come back to my truth, my being, my bliss.

gregorysgardner.com

Satya: Truthfulness: 4

The Time Magazine person of the year is the Protester, the person who speaks their truth, and risks everything in doing so.  I had the opportunity to teach a couple of yoga classes for the Occupy LA troops when they were camped out in front of City Hall.  I knew many of these people.  They had homes and families.  They were living in a tent in downtown Los Angeles to try and change a system that they believe to be corrupt, spent and malicious.  Living in a tent in downtown Los Angeles is this alcoholic’s worst nightmare.  But they did it. People all over this country, in cities much less friendly, are taking the future of our people into their own hands;  people all over the world.  I know people that found their voices in this movement.  For many of us, we found our common Voice, and no longer feel politically powerless.  Some are on the ground, beaten, bleeding, tearing from pepper spray, but no longer powerless, for they are speaking their truth.

Satya: Truthfulness: 3

I am learning to be true to myself through my experiences.  I am doing the things that I love in my life.  When I got sober I started going to the opera.  I had been to the opera before, Flagstaff, I believe, and found it so boring (I had great seats too) that I could not wait to leave after the first act and get drunker than Flagstaff himself; but when I saw Aida for the first time, in sobriety, I fell in love with the thrilling music, the spectacle, the perfect blending of the arts.  The voices were calling me beyond time and space, and I knew that I was home.  I seldom miss the LA Opera, and adore them all, even the opera version of The Fly (Help meee!)  The book The Artists Way helped me to discover opera, and the wonderful LA Phil at Disney Hall, because I began taking myself on Artist’s Dates, and in doing so found what rings true to me.  I love music, theater, art, even cinema.  I love the Lakers, the Dodger, I love LA.  I love NY.  I love life.  I love people, very much.  When I experience the things that I love, I am being true to myself, I am growing, I am in love.

gregorysgardner.com

Satya: Truthfulness: 2

I spent most of my life trying to be nice because I wanted to be liked.  Today, more often than not, if I am being nice it is because I feel nice, and because I genuinely like the person that I am being nice to.  I am being more honest in my emotion.  What I am willing to learn is how to be real, and that is not always nice.  I like the phrase, say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.  First, I have to know what it is that I mean to say. I must be honest about my intent.  I must become aware; aware of what I want, why I want it, and whether or not it suits my higher purpose.  Then I need to be able to express my desire, my intent, without guile, duplicity, or passive aggressive behavior.  I also need to practice patience, flexibility, and knowledge that I may not know all of the answers, or the best thing for me, and to continue to turn it over to my higher power for the grace, support and guidance that I truly need.

gregorysgardner.com

Satya: Truthfulness: 1

The key mantra in Kundalini Yoga is Sat Nam, which literally means Name is Truth.  It is found in the sacred scripture, the Guru Granth Sahib, in the opening line of the Mool Mantra, “Ek Ong Kar, Sat Nam…” meaning there is one God, whose name is truth.  When we repeat Sat Nam, we intone, God’s name is truth, my name is truth, Our name is truth.  The repeating of this mantra helps us to realize the Truth, we are one in God.

Ahimsa: nonviolence: 7

­­Ahimsa: nonviolence: 7

Yesterday I attended the Al anon meeting that I try to get to each week.  I go for many reasons, but studying Ahimsa, I am reminded that one of the symptoms that I am working with in Al Anon is the compulsion to help, or should I say, fix, others.  Seriously, just writing on Ahimsa is my desire to fix the world, and those around me.  I believe that we will benefit from the Yogic Sutras, and Kundalini, and it is my mission to make it available to those that are interested, but this compulsion to fix people, places and things has to be dealt with.  In Deborah Adeles insightful book THE YAMAS & NIYAMAS, Delveloping Yoga’s Ethical Practice, she writes that that if I am out to fix you, rather than being present and just lending a supportive ear,  I am behaving in a violent manner by robbing you of your dignity, your growth, and not trusting you, or your higher power, to know exactly what it is that your soul needs to learn and how it needs to learn it.  So for all of those that I have tried to fix in so many different ways, I apologize.  Have compassion. Know that I am using you as a sounding board to try and fix myself.  You are my mirror.  We are one being.  And next time, when you are telling me your troubles, or just seem a bit agitated, and I start to try and fix you, just tell me to shut the fuck up.  Try to say it with a smile. J

Ahimsa: nonviolence: 6

I have to love myself if I am going to love others.  I have heard this so often that it begins to sound cliché, but have truer words ever been spoken?  Love is the fabric of the Universe.  Love is God.  How I treat myself will directly affect how I treat others.  When I am being critical of others, there are thousands of self-critical thoughts running through my head.  I can sit, take back my space, my thoughts, embrace my feelings, and wrap myself in the warm blanket that love is; then go back with patience, tolerance, and forgiveness, of myself, and those that surround me.

Ahimsa: nonviolence: 5

When I am not well balanced, I am much more susceptible to the primal fight or flight nature of my primal instincts.  I revert back to that caveman in my DNA that had to decide in a split second whether to fight, or quit, like that old cigarette commercial from the 60s with the tagline, I would rather fight than quit.  I AM IN REACTION MODE.  Fear begets violence.  I have found myself in a situation that I perceived as dangerous, and of course 99.99% of the time there was no danger involved whatsoever, it was all in my perception, so I would either disappear, either physically, mentally or emotionally, or I would react in an abusive and violent manner, saying cutting, cruel or sarcastic words, with a superior tonality, or in a harsh manner.  I might act passive aggressively, or just plain aggressively. I might hurt someone, someone that perhaps I thought that I Ioved, on many different levels, all because I was afraid. I was afraid of not having enough, not being good enough, not being loved, being abandoned. Today I will pause when I am agitated. I will understand what can trigger my issues.  I will do my daily practice, and try to live consciously, so that I am coming from a higher state of being, more open to all of the love, all of the opportunity for love, even in the most pressing moments of the day.

Ahimsa: nonviolence: 4

Jainism is a religion from India that has been practiced since the 9^th century BC that teaches non-violence toward all living beings as a way of life, as the path to liberation, ending the seemingly unending  cycles of rebirth in divine union with cosmic consciousness.  They attest that the five Tattvas, ether, fire, air, water and earth, are alive and must be held with respect and treated in a non-violent manner.  We on this planet have been treating our Mother Earth in a violent manner for much too long.  We are an abusive people, to our planet, to each other, to ourselves.  Perhaps I cannot change anyone but myself, but that I must do.

Ahimsa: nonviolence: 3

If I am to practice non-violence, how can I eat meat?  I don’t have the teeth for it, nor is my digestive system built for it. I have found plenty of delicious protein substitutes, I am not craving it.  It actually is nice, not craving blood.  When I eat death, and violence, it eats me.  What is cancer?  An eating away of life.  There are plenty wonderful articles, books, documentaries and organizations that support the vegetarian cause, I don’t need to write another one, but if I am going to practice Ahimsa as a way of life, I must understand the if I am participating in violence after the fact, I am a part of the cause, the problem, and I am dedicating my life to being a part of the solution.  I often want it both ways, but it doesn’t work like that.

Ahimsa: nonviolence: 2

In a non-dualistic universe, we are all connected; we are one being, all living beings being one. If I behave violently, or if I am abusive in any way, through my actions, even in my thoughts, I am perpetuating violence against myself, all that I am.  If I do not defend against abuse, I am allowing the abuse to perpetuate.

Ahimsa: nonviolence: 1

In program we talk about being right sized. In the past I fluctuated between feelings that I was better than everyone around me, and that I was a total loser.  This was abnormal thinking, and unbalanced feeling.  Today I can be a worker among workers, a friend among friends.  I am a brilliant child of God, a divine light in the fabric of the universe, as are we all; yet I can be humble, gracious and kind.  In this state of being there is no place for violence of any kind, towards myself, in the forms of derogatory thoughts and feelings, or towards my fellows, all living beings.  In this I have the complete freedom to be the beautiful creature that I am, without sacrifice, and without harm.